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[04 Feb 2005|08:42pm] |
This journal is dead. I will leave it here to rot.
Stop by. Add me to your friends list and I'll add you to mine. I'll be transfering some of my old posts to my new journal. Just some of my shitting writings. Nothing big.
Goodbye.
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[03 Feb 2005|11:58pm] |
Angels are falling, I hear the gods calling
Devil behind clouded eyes
Burning, the madness is rising in me
I cannot describe what I see
It's all on fire, a funeral pyre, the world's final light
Consumed by the darkness, I cannot beleive this
The devil is inside of me
Satan is screaming, a call for more bloodshed
He raises my hand in the air
I'm a tool for the darkness, a host of the madness
Behold, the Anarchist
[This song will be completed at a later date]
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[03 Feb 2005|11:45pm] |
If I could rip you apart and drain every drop of blood from your severed body, I would. If I could destroy your life and take from you all that you love, I would. If I could make your life Hell and make you hate today and fear tomorrow, I would. If I could take what little dignity you had and crush it beneath my heel, I would. If I could rip the bullshit from your mind and hold it before you to realize your ingorance, I would.
If I could hold you in the cold of the night and warm you with the love of a kiss, I would.
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[31 Jan 2005|10:30pm] |
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mood |
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 apathetic |
] |
Been practicing on my guitar a lot lately...
I can now play the intros to Enter Sandman, Dirty Black Summer, N.I.B., Twist of Cain.
Once I get my amp working I'll start working on Slayer, Opeth, and Testament. I've got part of For Absent Friends down, but it sounds terrible on the sorry excuse for a guitar I currently own. I'm going to buy a Warlock from this place near my house. It's purple, but it's nice.
I'm going to try to get a picture of me that doesn't suck tomorrow. That should be interesting.
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I've been awake for three days now. Living off coffee, cigarettes, and frozen pizza. It's a shitty way to live, but that's how things go. So what the hell.
Last week, I killed a game. I killed Resident Evil 4. I beat it 4 times in the same week I bought it. One of those times, I beat it in one sitting. That was the last time I beat it. The final completion took me 5:30 hours I think. I have obtained the Chicago Typewriter (Machine-gun with infinite ammo that fires .45 bullets, each doing 10.0 damage), and the Infinite Launcher (if you can't guess what it is, then fuck off). With these two weapons RE4 becomes...not quite so fun. It's great when you first get them and spank those infested Spaniard bastards, but after an hour of it...bleh. Still a great game.
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In more recent news, I've been home 'sick' for a week. No school. Huzzah.
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[31 Jan 2005|10:22pm] |
I eat Mexicans.
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[31 Jan 2005|02:58am] |
Okay. Puked again. Yay.
What was I saying?
Oh yeah...
I feel like shit.
This was going to go deeper, but I just can't think. God dammit. I miss you.
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[31 Jan 2005|02:52am] |
This is my life tonight. I feel like shit. Drinking coffee and smoking Camels. I feel like
I was just about to finish that sentence "shit." Then start a new one saying "I feel like I'm about to puke."
But I puked. Sorry for the inconvieniance. I shall return in a few momments after I clean up.
[To be continued]
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| Something I never got around to saying... |
[31 Jan 2005|02:36am] |
A few weeks ago I woke up in a cold sweat. I remember looking over to my clock. It was like 2:30AM or some ungodly hour like that. I wiped the sweat from my forhead, which was enough to soak my hand. I layed back into my bed. My sheets were damp. I guess I'd been sweating for a while. My stomach was kind of hurting. I rested my head on my wet pillow and looked at the ceiling and tried to go back to sleep. At that momment, pain erupted from my stomach. I exhaled deeply and way too fast. I got light-headed from the sudden loss of oxygen. I curled up holding my stomach. My room had been silent before, but I swear that I heard guitars. Sounded like Slayer, but no song that I could recognize. After a few minutes of holding my stomach I finally just sprawled myself out on my bed. I stared at the ceiling as this terrible pain ate through my entire torso. I started just moving around. Rolling onto my side. Reaching for objects that weren't there. I was sweating terribley now. I was so out of it. All I remember is moving around and reaching out...and the laughter. I heard laughter. It sounded like the generic 'demonic' laughter you hear in movies and games and such. The guitars and the laughter. The pain was so terrible. I don't remember when it all stopped. I think I may have just passed out.
I just...I don't know. I wanted to post this.
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[31 Jan 2005|02:23am] |
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I've grown...matured. Become independant. Learned uncounted lessons of love and loss. My path to this state has been long and hard. And all for one goal that is, ultimately, unreachable. Or so it seems to be. Every night I pray to the nothingness above me for a chance. Just to speak once more. Let that soul here me once more. Let that soul give me one last judgement. That soul, which I love and cherish and once held in my hands, trying to protect it only to have it shatter before me, is no greater now than it ever was. I never worshipped that soul. I never held that soul to be greater than any other. But I did love it. That soul is still broken. I know it is. I can feel it...
Shards of that soul lay in pools of bloody memories everywhere I go. I wish to speak with this soul. Not for love, but for a mutual comfort. Is it in vain? I fear it is.
I broke that soul. I want to help peice it back together, in any way I can.
And should it already be whole again, I just wish to see it once more. That whole, unshattered soul. The soul I once cared for so much that I became but a gnat to the soul. I tried to hard. The soul needed to breathe.
I'm sorry I suffocated you, black entity. Black soul.
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| A brief return to the past... |
[30 Jan 2005|01:01am] |
Everything I love is gone
Peace becomes my disowned son
Every time I breathe, I bleed
Nothing has become of me
--------------------------------------------------------
Exit sun
Enter rain
Remind me of my pain
Quiet night
Nothing's right
Deny me of my light
In my life
Leave it be
This darkness is for me
Overrun
Drown the sun
Let it rain
Once again
Here I am
It's all the same, again
Here I stand
All alone
Once again
I saw you there
I don't care
To see you anywhere
You are gone
So, so long
I was wrong
Once again
Here I am
It's all the same, again
Here I stand
All alone
Once again
Love you so
But I don't know
What to do so I'll just go
Leave in shame
Live in pain
Reminded by the rain
Overrun
Drown the sun
Let it rain
Once again
Here I am
It's all the same, again
Here I stand
All alone
Once again
Overrun
Drown the sun
Let it rain
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[30 Jan 2005|12:48am] |
Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||||||||||| 50% 49%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 70% 53%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||| 70% 53%
Antisocial |||||||||||||||||| 78% 47%
Borderline |||||||||||| 46% 47%
Histrionic |||||| 26% 43%
Narcissistic |||||||||| 34% 41%
Avoidant |||||| 30% 39%
Dependent |||| 14% 37%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 30% 40%
The percentages farthest to the right are the average web scores.
The ones on the left are mine.
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| Good Music |
[24 Jan 2005|10:07pm] |
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mood |
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 pessimistic |
] |
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music |
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"Low" - Testament |
] |
"Eyes of Wrath" - Testament
Eyes of wrath
The beast is on your back
Razorblade slice your neck
Slowly tear you down
Takes another life
To feed his bloody lust
Random crime spree attack
There's nothing random at all
Dead city nights
Another daughter's done
Another victim of circumstance
Took the wrong way home
Can you hear the screams
The music of the dead
A ritual of broken flesh
Annoints the silver blade
No one lives forever
There is no forever
And I'll tell you why
Rage, Rage soothes the pain
Pain, Pain soothes the rage
Lash out in anger
that never will chance
I can never escape
Rage, Rage Soothes the pain
Pain, Pain Soothes the rage
Rage, Pain
---------------------------------------------
"D.N.R." - Testament
Lies... broken dreams
Dismal past
is there more in life...
should I... know
Ending wars... ending pain
Ending of mankind is insane
and there's all the possibilities
some will fail and some will achieve
Even through in my youth
I didn't know but what can I do
and I may not ever see
In my pain, my suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me...
Life... lost unseen
behind the mask
and with the open arms will I grasp
Open doors... open minds...
Ending all the madness I hate
And I may not ever see
In my pain, my Misery
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR...
Wing of sadness... will
hold my prayers
all this madness... will
end my fears
contempt in life
Conceptualize, wrong or right
The ending of life...
God save me now...
Time... end it now
No going back
Can you see the light as you pass
Ending wars, ending pain...
Waited all my life to be saves
And I will not ever see
All the hate and suffering
Can not live for the rest of my life
DNR Do not resuscitate me... DNR
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"The Human Bondage" - Angel Dust
Out of my darkness it's rising in me
Discover s the feelings hidden so deep
I lose myself
Affection for sadness and longing for pain
I is dividing - deciphers the madness
I loose myself
Oh - The human bondage
No way to control it
I have to obey
Just can't deny it - so deep inside me
I lose myself
My personal demon is linking the shades
I could never see
Now I know who I am
I see myself
Oh - The human bondage
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I am you
Oh - The human bondage
----------------------------------------------------
"Abysmal Descent" - Naglfar
In the black depths of my very soul
A vast emptiness lies so arcane and cold
Caressed by the icy touch of melancholy
Like the sweetest of poison it permeates me
No more love, no more life
I remain cold and dead deep inside
Through my ruptured veins I leave this cursed world of light
To embrace the infernal fire... and so I fall
Encircled by shadows as I descend
Portrayed in the most twisted of forms
Their vision are mine as they tear at my soul
Still my fate lies further below
Plunging down through these diabolical realms
A Stygian landscape of lost hopes and pain
I thrive on the haunted screams of the damned
Their laments are my requiem
Then I sense something deep down below
The grand lakes offire that calls for my souls
In a state of sheer rapture I descend into its flow
To be consumed by its hellish glow
Sprayed with burning sulphur, licked by scorching flames
Yet no regrets has passed my mind
No, none of my sins shall I ever repent
A lifetime filled with yearning has now come to an end
In these halls of pain I'm purified
My destiny's fulfilled through this abysmal descent
And so through the fires I finally set the abominations that's coming for me
I writhe with pleasure as I'm torn piece by piece, the sweet ecstasy of pure agony
And here I burn... forever burn...
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[23 Jan 2005|07:58pm] |
Just beat Resident Evil 4. Huzzah.
(Minor Game Spoiler Alert)
The final strike to the end boss is. once again, delivered with a rocket launcher. Or, in this case, the Rocket Launcher (Special).
They really need to switch the RE series up a bit. When I heard there weren't going to be any zombies in RE4 and the T- and G - Viruses would not play a part I was rather interested. I thought that would be nice. As it turns out, there are no zombies, just crazy spaniards that act just like zombies. And while the viruses do not make their way into the game, the Los Plagas does. So I suppose when they said there wouldn't be any zombies, they just meant they were changing the way the zombies looked. "It's not a zombie, it's a plague-infested Spaniard! See! New!"
Yeah. Great. There's even a bitchy, puny, pussy of a villain who speaks like he's been inhaling helium *cough*Code Veronica*cough*
Great game, though. Great great. Best graphics in any game that I've actually played.
Ada is hot.
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[23 Jan 2005|12:54pm] |
Virgin Black (ver-jin blak) : An anomalous harmony
between the juxtapositions of purity and humanity’s darkness.
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| And so there is nothing... |
[23 Jan 2005|12:58am] |
I float endlessly through nothing like a burned out star, my existance never to be understood and the origin of the nothingness within me forever questioned by none but myself. There are times that I think myself to be nothing but ash upon a long forgotten funeral pyre. I feel as though I've been strangled by memories of days long past but not to be soon forgotten. I, the dead star, the scattered ashes, am too insignifigant even to myself to find the time to hear my thoughts.
When you feel yourself slipping away from all that you have when all that you have is nothing, you realize you've nothing to grip. At that moment you fall.
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[22 Jan 2005|01:32am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
FUCK ME
LOVE ME
WANT ME
KILL ME
BLEED ME
SEE ME
ANY WAY YOU WANT ME
I AM NOT YOUR ANYTHING
YOUR FUCK, YOUR LOVE, YOUR LITTLE FLING
THAT'S THE WAY IT ALWAYS WILL BE
LET'S GET DOWN AND LET'S GET DIRTY
HEY
WHAT'S YOUR NAME
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK
OKAY?!
SO HEY
LET'S US PLAY
IN A SICK, PERVERTED WAY
PULL THE SHADES
GRAB THE BLADES
'CAUSE TONIGHT WE'VE GOT IT MADE
RANDOM PILLS
BROKEN GLASS
AND THIS LOVELY PEICE OF ASS
SO LET'S CUT
THEN WE'LL BLEED
THEN WE'LL FUCK
THEN YOU'LL LEAVE
WHAT'S YOUR NAME
I DON'T CARE
'CAUSE YOU AREN'T SHIT TO ME
HEY
Let's get drunk...AND FUCK
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've reached a new low =D
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[21 Jan 2005|11:38pm] |
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When you sit alone in your room at night, in the darkness, in the cold of life, the pain comes rushing. The suffocating smoke, screaming silence, and blinding darkness consume you. Looking to the ceiling, wishing for the comforting touch of a blade or the satisfying company of a hand gun. As the pain wrought within you rises, pushing out the tears to make room for it's home in your head, squeezing every last tear from your eyes until you've gone dry, you pray for the strength to bury your hands within yourself and tear your flesh, ripping yourself to nothing. And as you give up hope and fall through the dark down to your empty bed, the drums slowly start beating. Slowly, soon accompanied by the slow rolling thunder of the bass. As the guitar begins it's soft, solemn wail, your world spins and the vocals are in que. A deep voice from nowhere begins his sorrowful song. His tale of pain. Your world spins and the tears flow, your flesh screaming to be torn. You become certain that at any moment you will sink into nothingness and drown in the dark. You can already see yourself beneath the liquid black, looking up and seeing the world from below the waves of your drowning pool. Now you feel empty. The sobs have ended and the tears are dried. You lie in bed and stare into space with soulless eyes. You're certain you've stopped breathing. The music plays on in the background, the soundtrack to your emptiness. Your death. The world fades away, and the black washes over you.
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[08 Jan 2005|08:15pm] |
"Cry My Name" - Bloodbath
You will see
My burning inferno
And there is no way
In your wildest dreams
That you can say no
I suffocate your soul
And drain you of your lifeblood
The breathing darkness here
Will make you disappear
There is no return
I steal your soul
And carve a hole right where your heart once used to be
I watch you die
I hear you cry
It fills my soul with such delight
You are lost
You are entering a dead world
Wherever you will turn
You will see your spirit burn
Your life is over
Here in Death's dominion
Where even shadows die
I am the one almighty
YOU WILL CRY MY NAME
And when you seek forgiveness
You will see there is no god
And for all eternity
YOU WILL CRY MY NAME
You
Cry out
Now it's time to return
To the world up above
And invite you to burn
Oh, the ones that I seek
Are defenseless and weak
Soon their hearts will be mind
And no one can slip
From my powerful grip
I was born to deceive
The smell of your flesh
So rancid and fresh
It keeps me alive
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[01 Jan 2005|09:53pm] |
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www.deadbabies.com
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